What comfort is there after the death of an unsaved loved one?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

One of the most difficult struggles a believer will ever face is grieving over a loved one who dies without believing in Jesus as Lord. We do not know what happens in the last moments of someone's life, nor can we judge the status of another person's heart. Even so, when we suspect that a loved one will live eternally separated from God, it is devastating. However, Scripture does not leave us without hope in this difficult situation. We can find hope in God’s promise that He is near to the brokenhearted, offering comfort and healing (Psalm 34:18). While we may not understand God’s plan or know why the person rejected Christ, we can trust that salvation belongs to God, who knows the hearts of all people (Genesis 18:25; Romans 1:20).

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• Mourning the death of a loved one, saved or unsaved, is normal. Many societies have specific rituals and times of mourning (Genesis 50:1–3). In the case of the death of Moses, the people mourned for thirty days (Deuteronomy 34:8).
• We need not avoid grieving a lost loved one but should also lean on the comfort of God's presence, as He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3).
• The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit, providing healing and restoration when we seek Him (Psalm 34:18).
• We know that ultimately salvation belongs to God. Abraham understood this. He said in Genesis 18:25, "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?" Though we may not like or understand God's plan and why some people reject Christ, we can accept that He knows best, and He knows everyone’s hearts.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• The Bible confirms that mourning and sadness associated with the loss of a loved one, especially when it is likely the person was unsaved, is normal and expected (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
• We need not avoid grieving a lost loved one but should also rely on God's comfort, for He is the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).
• The New Testament confirms that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit, offering comfort and blessing to those who mourn (Matthew 5:4; John 11).
• Many have shared the gospel with their unsaved loved ones and it has only seemed to fall on deaf ears. But God's plan is perfect (Romans 8:28), and He alone judges righteously (John 5:30). God has made Himself known to all people to respond to Him (Romans 1:20). Although the death of an unsaved loved one is exceedingly difficult, we must remember that God made His salvation available to them.
• Despite our grief, we can also take comfort in the fact that the pain we face in this life, including the pain of facing the death of an unsaved loved one, is temporary. Revelation 21:4 promises, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." The tears you cry today will not last forever.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

The loss of a loved one causes us to re-evaluate our own lives. This is why Ecclesiastes 7:2 teaches, "It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart." Reflecting on the death of others, whether believer or unbeliever, causes us to look at how we live. We find ourselves seeking to make a greater difference, leave a legacy, and live to make a deeper eternal impact each day. We also find ourselves drawing closer to God as we continue to seek after Him in the midst of grief.

Though these benefits do not take away from the sadness associated with an unbelieving loved one who has died, it is important to understand that such grief is temporary and can even serve as part of God's plan to change your life and the lives of many others. Rather than living with discouragement, we can find greater purpose to impact the lives of those around us with the love of Christ, seeking to share His love with all we can each day of our lives.

God can use even the death of an unsaved loved one to cause good in other ways. For example, sometimes the loss of a person in this situation will lead to salvation of others. In other cases, a person who experiences the loss of an unsaved loved one becomes more motivated to share the gospel, resulting in many more changed lives. When we go to God with our grief and our questions, we often come to know Him more deeply and learn to trust Him more.

UNDERSTAND

• God comforts the brokenhearted and heals those who mourn.
• We can trust that God knows every heart and judges righteously.
• God comforts us in our grief after the death of an unsaved loved one, which should motivate us to share the gospel and make Him known.

REFLECT

• What emotions are evoked in your heart as you reflect on the death of an unsaved loved one? What comfort do you receive from bringing those emotions to God?
• How can you lean on God's promises to find comfort during your grief?
• How has the loss of an unsaved loved one impacted your perspective on sharing the gospel with others?

ENGAGE

• What specific biblical passages bring you comfort regarding the death of an unsaved loved one?
• How can understanding God's justice and mercy shape your approach to grieving the loss of someone who rejected Christ?
• How might God use your grief over an unsaved loved one to encourage others to seek Him or to reflect on their own faith?