Can you love a person but not like them?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

One of the best examples we can use when extending love to those that we don’t like is the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37). Like the Samaritan in the story, we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31), even those who may hate us (Luke 6:27–28). At the same time, love does not equate with trust. We can take after Jesus’ example of leaving situations that are dangerous yet still extending love (John 5:13; 6:15). The primary love we should model our life after is agape love, which is the love Christ showed us (John 13:34; Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:19). Agape love is a selfless, often sacrificial love that looks to the best interests of others and acts to meet those interests. Every day, we should be striving to see people through the lens of Jesus so we can love them with His unique love (2 Corinthians 5:19–21; Galatians 5:22–23). Sometimes loving people we don’t like is exceedingly difficult; in such situations we should ask for God’s wisdom, discernment, and direction as we strive to follow His example of agape love (James 1:5).

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• God's example shows that love is an action, not always tied to feelings. For instance, God calls His people to love even their enemies (e.g., Exodus 23:4–5).
• Leviticus 19:18 tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• In Mark 12:30-31, Jesus communicates that we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves.
• In Luke 10:25–37, Jesus shares the Parable of the Good Samaritan. In the story, a man is assaulted and left for dead on the side of a road. Both a priest and Levite pass by the man, but neither helps him. However, a Samaritan (Samaritans were hated by the Jews) “bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him” (verse 34). In verse 35, the Samaritan goes even farther in his kindness by paying the inn keeper for the man’s extra stay at the inn. As displayed in this story, anyone can be our neighbor; as such, we must extend love to everyone even if we don’t like them.
• In Luke 6:27–28, Jesus says, “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Even when it comes to people who have hurt us tremendously, we are to love our enemies.
• One important caution: Love is not the same thing as trust. Some people cannot be trusted, and we are not called to put ourselves in physical or emotional danger in order to love someone. Even Jesus removed Himself from the crowds for His own protection at times because He knew their hearts (John 5:13; 6:15).
• Jesus tells His disciples to love one another in the same way He loved them (John 13:34).
• Jesus sets the example of agape love for us by His demonstration of sacrificial love. Romans 5:8 says, "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
• When we decide to view people as creations of God whom He loves (2 Corinthians 5:19–21), it will become easier to love them with God's love. The more we have God's perspective, the less it will matter whether we like a person or not.
• The more we know God and allow Him to work in us, the more His love will flow through us, regardless of affection (Galatians 5:22–23).
• We should be wise in the specific actions we make to extend love; thankfully, we can ask God for wisdom and discernment (James 1:5).
• First John 4:19 says, "We love because he first loved us." Our response to God's undeserved love for us is to love others—deservingly or not.

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

God loves us with agape love. Agape love is a selfless, often sacrificial love that looks to the best interests of others and acts to meet those interests. It does not necessarily require affection as it is not primarily about the emotions of those involved. We see in Jesus' life a demonstration of love for what would be considered "undesirables." He called lowly fishermen and hated tax collectors as disciples, interacted with the despised Samaritans, and showed care, patience, forgiveness, and love to "sinners," Romans, women, children, and even the corrupt religious leaders of the day.. Whether it was the outcasts of society or people antagonistic toward Him, Jesus extended true love. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us to love those whom we dislike—but we must still extend to them the same love that's been given to us.

UNDERSTAND

• Love is an action, not based on feelings; we are called to love even those we don't like.
• Love doesn't equal with trust; we can love without putting ourselves in harm’s way.
• Love reflects God’s love; we love others because God first loved us.

REFLECT

• How can you practically love someone you struggle to like, and what steps can you take to view them through God's perspective?
• When have you been challenged to love someone despite not liking them. How did you navigate that situation?
• What does agape love look like in your life, especially toward those who annoy you, have hurt you, or have rejected you?

ENGAGE

• How can we differentiate between loving someone and liking them?
• How does viewing others as creations of God impact the way we love, even those we don't personally like?
• How can the power of the Holy Spirit help us to love sacrificially, as Jesus did, even with difficult people?