How can Christian parents find comfort after the death of a child?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The death of a child is a sorrow none of us wish to ever experience, yet many of us face in this lifetime. Job was familiar with this tragedy, as he lost all his children in one day (Job 1:13-19). King David’s son also passed away early in life (2 Samuel 12:19-24). Processing and healing from such a painful loss takes time, more like a season than a moment (Ecclesiastes 3:1-11). Matthew 11:28-30, Psalm 34:18, and Psalm 147:3 that God’s very nature is to be a Comforter and a Healer. The shortest Bible verse, yet one of the most profound is “Jesus wept” in John 11:35, describing our Lord’s reaction to His friend Lazarus’ death. We, like Jesus, can grieve those we have lost. Saturating ourselves in God’s truth (John 17:17) and praying to Him constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17) are vital during this time, too. Though we may need time to process our loss alone, eventually we should seek the support of trusted believers who can help carry our burden of grief with us (Galatians 6:2). Going through the rest of this life without one’s dear child is sobering, but one day, our Heavenly Father “will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT

• King David and Bathsheba experienced the death of their young child. Though David prayed earnestly for his son's healing, he worshiped the Lord even after his son's death (2 Samuel 12:20). David knew that he couldn’t change the death of his child, so he held on to the fact that his son was now in God's presence, a place where he would one day rejoin his son for eternity (2 Samuel 12:22).
• Job endured catastrophic loss throughout his life, including the death of all his livestock, servants, and his children in one day (Job 1:13-19). Despite these and other tragedies, he poured out his heart to God. We should do the same, knowing God listens to us and cares for us.
• Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” There is, perhaps, no loss more painful than the death of a child. But we can take comfort knowing we have a Heavenly Father who is near to us during this time.
• Psalm 147:3 says, “He (God) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God, our Healer and Comforter, cares for our emotional wounds.
• Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 indicates that we will experience different seasons of life—some joyful, some painful. There is a time for us to weep, process, and grieve over our child’s loss; rushing through grief can prolong it and isolate us from needed comfort.

FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT

• Jesus invites us to come to Him: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). No matter how broken or weary we are from grief, we can come to Christ.
• Our weeping is expected, not a sign of faithlessness. Jesus Himself wept when His friend died (John 11:35).
• Any counsel we get during our grief from friends, family, therapists, counselors, or pastors should be considered through the lens of Scripture.Saturating ourselves in God’s Word helps us cling to absolute truth (John 17:17).
• Those who are grieving should turn to their church family for support, and as part of the body, we should help those in grief. Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
• At all points in our life, we should “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). However, this is especially important during times of loss. We need constant communication with the Author of hope, truth, and healing.
• A hope we can hold onto is that grief will not last forever. Though the grief of a lost child may extend through this life, one day this sorrow will end (Revelation 21:4).

IMPLICATIONS FOR TODAY

The death of a child is, perhaps, a parent’s greatest grief. The natural order of life is that a child will outlive his or her parents. When this order is reversed, the grief can be devastating. Though no words can "fix" or solve the loss of one's child, Scripture offers comfort and encouragement for Christian parents who endure such a tragedy. We must also realize we are never alone. God is always present and the church body should be as well. Many times God will bring another person into our life who has faced a similar situation to share in our grief and bring comfort (2 Corinthians 1:6-7). God designed our church family to serve one another through all times, including times of grief. God often works through our pain to encourage and help others, too. Our story and grief may one day be a source of help to others who face a similar loss.

There is no perfect answer to the pain a parent faces at the death of a child. However, God can bring comfort, offers hope for eternity, and offers a family of believers who can help us as we endure the grief of losing a child.

UNDERSTAND

• Losing a child is a parent’s greatest grief.
• Communicating with God through prayer and reading His Word helps us through our grief.
• God designed our church family to support each other at all times, such as grieving the loss of a child.

REFLECT

• How do you typically deal with the loss of a loved one?
• What steps have you taken to comfort someone who has lost a child or other loved one?
• How might you pray for someone after he or she has lost a child?

ENGAGE

• What are some ways that the church can comfort parents after the loss of their child?
• How can believers show the love of Christ to unbelieving parents who have lost a child?
• How can conversations about the loss of a child be an opportunity to present the hope that Christ offers?