How important is physical attraction when looking for a spouse?

TL;DR:

While physical attraction is important when looking for a spouse, it is not most important. Instead of only focusing on physical attraction, we should focus on the true beauty of a person’s heart and character.

what does the bible say?

Of course, everyone wants to be attracted to the person they marry, and what's more, they want their spouse to find them attractive. Physical intimacy is a central part of marriage, and physical attraction plays a role in that. Physical beauty and desire are not just things that the world celebrates, but the Bible does, too. At the same time, the Bible puts these things into perspective. While the Bible acknowledges the good in taking care of our physical bodies and recognizes the physical attraction involved when looking for a spouse, it also emphasizes the importance of inner beauty. When looking for a spouse, we need to look at their heart and character, rather than prioritizing physical attraction. True beauty lies in godliness and a strong foundation in Christ, which will sustain your relationship through life's challenges

from the old testament

The book of Song of Solomon is a love poem in which the bride and groom sing their desire for and attraction to one another (Song of Solomon 1:2–4; 4:1–7). Where we tend to go wrong is when we elevate beauty in a spouse to a higher place of importance than is right (Proverbs 31:30).
Physical attraction is important, but it is nowhere near most important. Physical beauty fades over time (Proverbs 31:30), not to mention the other physical issues that come with injury, disease, or aging. This is why the Bible puts emphasis on a person's character over their looks.

from the new testament

The Bible acknowledges that there is some value in physical training, but godliness has value in every area of our lives (1 Timothy 4:8).
The Bible tells women to focus on the beauty of their heart rather than their outside beauty (1 Peter 3:3–5). The same would apply to men in principle.

implications for today

When looking for a spouse, your first concern should be his or her character rather than initial physical attraction. When looking for a spouse, your focus should be on the beauty of their heart and their godliness (or lack thereof). You need to find someone who will be a help when you experience tragedy and loss, someone who won't crumble under the pressures of life because they are standing on the rock of Jesus Christ. You aren't looking for someone who looks great next to you in photos; you are looking for someone who will be committed to Christ and to you. A person's heart and character are the source of true beauty, not their physical appearance.

Another danger of putting physical attraction too high on the list of what you are looking for in a spouse is that you might pass over some of the best people. You might miss the person who would be a wonderful father or mother, the person who you connect with on a deeper level than attraction, the person who would become your best friend, or the person you would enjoy the rest of your life with. This is not to say you should marry someone you don't find attractive just because he or she is a good person, but it is to say that attractiveness should not be top of your list of attributes to look for in a spouse.

understand

Physical attraction is important but should not be the top priority in a spouse.
True beauty lies in godliness and character, which endure beyond physical appearance.
Overemphasizing attraction may cause you to overlook the important qualities in a partner.

reflect

How do you prioritize physical attraction versus character when thinking about a potential spouse?
What qualities in a person do you believe are most important for sustaining a marriage?
Have you ever overlooked someone’s character because you were focused too much on their appearance?

engage

Physical attraction is good and not sinful. Physical attraction is not sinful because it is a natural response that God created, and the Bible acknowledges it within the context of marriage (Song of Solomon 1:2–4). However, focusing solely on outward appearance becomes problematic when it overshadows the more important qualities of a person’s heart and character (1 Peter 3:3–4). How can we ensure that we don't elevate physical beauty over godliness when looking for a spouse?
How does society shape our view of attraction, and how does that differ from biblical principles?
How can focusing on inner beauty and godly character improve our relationships, both romantic and non-romantic?