What are the five love languages?

from the old testament

• The Old Testament does not refer to five love languages, but it does talk about giving and receiving love.
• Perhaps the love language of quality time is why God commanded that, "When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken" (Deuteronomy 24:5). A year of time together would certainly help build a strong marriage, although ten minutes of your undivided attention each day can speak volumes to those who receive love best in this way.

from the new testament

• The New Testament also does not refer to five love languages, but it does talk about giving and receiving love.
• Paul called the Ephesians to, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29). Heeding this call helps ensure that those whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation will feel well-loved.
• Jesus referenced the act of gift giving as a way in which parents naturally express love to their children and how gift giving reflects one characteristic of God the Father. He said, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11).
• Jesus revealed acts of service as a way to express love when He called His followers to serve one another, pointing out that service is one way He expressed His love for the world. He said, "even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Matthew 20:28).
• Parents in the Bible understood the importance of physical touch when they brought their children to Jesus not just to hear His teaching, but "that he might lay his hands on them and pray" (Matthew 19:13). And of course, Jesus approved by responding, "Let the little children come to me" (Matthew 19:14).

implications for today

Determining the way in which you most easily experience love and the way in which those around you best receive love can strengthen your relationships. Gary Chapman’s book and concept of love languages is a tool we can use to love one another and those around us.

Words of Affirmation are words that affirm other people, and in so doing express love to them. This love language uses spoken and written encouragement, compliments, and appreciation to show the other person how much they are loved. It might be something as simple as saying "I'm proud of you", or it could be something as thought out as a letter describing positive attributes of the other person and the many ways for which you are grateful for him or her. People whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation will feel built up and well-cared for when they hear these kinds of words expressed to them or about them.

Quality Time is the act of giving the other person your undivided attention. It means spending time focused on togetherness, not just physical proximity to one another. It includes conversing in sympathetic dialogue, sharing experiences together, and purposely doing something the other person enjoys. Expressing your love with your attention and time is what makes people feel loved who have Quality Time as their primary love language.

Gifts as a primary love language means that receiving any gift, no matter how small, will express love to them. A gift is a physical symbol of that person's thought toward their loved one. Handmade gifts or free giveaways brought home to the loved one often carry as much meaning as expensive or more elaborate gifts to those with this primary love language because those objects are visual tokens of your caring attitude toward them.

Acts of Service are deeds that help or serve the other person. Giving another person your planning, time, effort, and energy to serve them can be a powerful expression of love. There are many chores that have to be done in order to run an orderly life. Freely choosing to do one of these helpful deeds with a positive attitude expresses love in a meaningful way to those for whom Acts of Service is their primary love language.

For those whose primary love language is touch, they feel most loved when their bodies are handled in caring ways. These ways include simple actions like holding hands, sitting close together, a gentle back rub, or a tight squeeze. Physical touch also involves physical closeness or proximity. Just being near someone expresses love. Of course, more involved ways of touching are welcome in marriage like intimate massage and sexual love making. For them, to touch their body is to touch their inner being. It means they are seen, noticed, and cared for. Physical touch is perhaps the love language most likely to be misinterpreted in modern culture. So if you are a person who expresses love through touch, it would be wise to ensure that your friends are similarly comfortable with your expressions of love.

Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages contains wisdom and practical help to support living out the command to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (James 2:8; see also Leviticus 19:18; John 13:34–35).