If we sin against someone, do we need to confess to them?
The Bible teaches we are to confess our sins to God (1 John 1:9), but do we also need to confess our sins to those we have sinned against? God will forgive us regardless of whether we talk with the other people involved. However, there are some times when confessing our sins to those we have sinned against can be helpful.
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A key question in this area should be whether confessing the sin to the other person could help the other person in some way. In other words, if the confession is simply for our own benefit, then we can confess before God or share with another trusted friend. However, if confessing our sin to the other person or people involved could help reconcile a relationship or help those involved, we should seek to make the situation better.
For example, suppose you really wanted the car that belongs to one of your friends. You feel jealous and even covet your friend's car, wishing it were yours. In this case, you will feel led to confess this sin to God, but you would not necessarily need to bring it up to your friend. It would not be beneficial to your friend and could actually make the situation worse by making it a bigger issue.
However, suppose you were gossiping about a friend and later felt badly about it. You can confess your sin to God, but also may feel the need to talk with the other person because he or she knows about the situation and has been hurt by your gossip. Your confession to your friend could help reconcile your relationship and be of great help to the other person. In this case, confessing your sin to the other person would be both appropriate and beneficial.
Scripture seems to assume that these kinds of confessions will take place among believers at times. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asks Jesus about how many times to forgive a brother who sins against him. In Ephesians 4:32, believers are commanded, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Colossians 3:12-13 adds, "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." In this context, those involved in the conflict were talking with one another about the incident, with the expectation that the offending believer would seek to reconcile, while the one offended would forgive.
We need not confess every sin to those involved, but when helpful to the other person or in public matters, reconciliation is needed and confession to those involved offers a picture of handling sin in a Christ-like manner.
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